Building Foundational Mindsets: Mastering the Game of Self-Talk

Over the course of my extensive 20+ year career in leadership and coaching, I’ve had the privilege of guiding individuals ranging from novice managers to C-Suite executives. Along this incredible journey, one vital insight has crystallized: while intelligence and talent play an important role, they are merely components within a much more intricate mosaic that shapes one’s path to total self-actualization. It is the mental game that distinguishes the good from the exceptional. At the core, I have found that the greatest power lies in the art of self-talk. 

What Is Self-Talk?

Quite simply, self-talk is the internal dialogue or ongoing inner conversation that we engage within ourselves throughout each day. It serves as our personal commentator whose sole purpose is to meticulously analyze our actions and predict our next moves. Why is it so important? The answer to this question lies in its ability to shape our core beliefs, attitudes, and ultimately, our achievements or perceived shortcomings. This inner voice acts as a lens through which we interpret and filter our reality. It can be the deciding factor in seizing an opportunity or letting it slip by. Here is a glimpse into how self-talk can manifest in our daily lives. 

Chart of Self-Talk Examples:

A Note on Positive Thinking

Before diving into actionable steps, I’d like to go over the concept of positive thinking. Being your own constant cheerleader or hype man sounds great in theory. However, blind optimism can sometimes hinder your progress and mask real issues that need attention. This is known as “toxic positivity.” Not every scenario warrants a pep talk. Sometimes, what you need is a strategic game plan. Enter neutral thinking. Without any emotional baggage at play, neutral thinking enables you to properly assess a situation as it unfolds. Adopting this approach will equip you with the tools needed to adjust, pivot, and improve your responses. 

Improving Self-Talk: A Practical Guide

The good news is that you can change and improve your self-talk, which can have a profound impact on your personal and professional life.  The first step in this journey is cultivating awareness, a concept elucidated by Ethan Kross in his work on self-distancing and introspection. One effective method to become aware of your self-talk is to observe your thoughts as if you were giving advice to a friend. By externalizing your inner dialogue, you can perceive your emotions and thoughts from a more objective point of view. You can explore more of his insights by reading his book here and looking at more of his work here. 

Trevor Moawad, renowned for his expertise in neutral thinking, suggests that neutral self-talk can be as beneficial, if not more, than positive self-talk. It involves maintaining a realistic perspective, acknowledging the present situation, and refraining from spiraling into negativity. Rather than forcing positivity, Moawad recommends shifting toward more neutral thoughts and statements, as these can be more believable and grounding. For deeper insights, refer to his book here and other works here. 

Steps to Improve Self-Talk:

1. Awareness: Check in with your thoughts regularly. Some best practices include journaling or meditation. You can check out my favorite journal here.

2. Reflection: Ask yourself, “Would I speak to a friend this way?” If the answer is no, change the narrative. 

3. Challenge Negativity: Reframe negative thoughts by looking for evidence against them or considering alternative perspectives. 

4. Shift to Neutral or Positive: Instead of jumping to extreme positivity, aim for more neutral statements and gradually shift your mindset towards more genuinely optimistic thoughts. Learn more about neutral thinking here. 

Further Tips on Improving Self-Talk:

• Practice Mindfulness: This helps you stay present and recognize when negative thoughts creep in.

• Seek Feedback: Sometimes, an external perspective can help in recalibrating our internal narratives.

• Practice Self-Talk: While they should be genuine, daily self-talk practice can help in establishing a more neutral/positive self-dialogue over time. Here is a playlist of podcasts on self-talk.

• Limit Exposure to Negativity: Whether it’s toxic individuals or media consumption, ensure your environment supports a positive mindset. Learn more about starting a negativity diet here.

• Educate Yourself: Read books or attend workshops on self-talk and mindset reframing to further hone your skills. Here is an article from Mind-Tools with lots of extra ideas and resources. 

In the midst of today’s turbulent VUCA world - characterized by volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity - our anchor lies in the power of self-talk. This ongoing internal dialogue can either amplify the chaos or illuminate our path forward. By refining a constructive and empowering inner narrative, we not only fortify our resilience in the face of external challenges but also ignite profound personal transformation. Now, more than ever, it’s crucial to be the vigilant gatekeeper of our thoughts. Together, we can nurture positivity, challenge self-imposed limitations, and embrace adaptability. Embark on this transformative journey to refine your self-talk, and you’ll discover that, even amidst turbulence, you can chart a course to unparalleled growth and fulfillment. Get in touch today to book a free consultation or schedule a coaching session.